Passing the Time, while the Earth Stands Still

What do you write when you have no inspiration? 

I have been stuck on editing the 3rd chapter of the book for over a week. Who knew describing a portal opening in the mouth of a cave would be so difficult?

With the quarantine in place, I have all three kids home. Which means less creative time. I could stay up at night, but I am old and I hold sleep very close to my heart. However, I do have moments of inspiration while laying there waiting for my dreams to take me. I keep a journal by my bed for these moments. Still, nothing fits into place.

Think my next step is to read something, but what? I would like a story with a nice combination of magic, and science. While simultaneously dark, and post-apocalyptic. I have searched through my entire library and nothing is jumping out at me.  If anyone has any suggestions, I would honestly love any hot tips you may have.

While I stumble my way over this hurtle, I have been fine tuning my new home away from home. The question I am currently trying to answer is, “How do you brand yourself?”. I have so many interests, and they all make me who I am. I don’t like appealing to single ‘groups’ of people. Because it limits my topics to write about. I go through phases in my writing, and my focus. Which means I have a lot of projects going at the same time.It is nice because if I get stuck, I have something to do while I try to figure out a solution to any given conundrum. I have learnt it helps keep me moving forward, and reduces my anxiety when I struggle on something.

I want this space to reflect me as a person. While it serves a purpose, giving me a place to develop my writing and learn marketing and branding, it allows me to figure out what is important to me in building my career as a writer; and while allowing me to talk about the things I value most in my life; my family, and geeking out on random obsessions.

While I am still working on the  D.I.Y projects, and trying to find a job to pay for said projects, I have found the need to shift my topics in order to keep content flowing. Marketing myself is scary, and trying to make it professional is difficult. 

I made a privacy policy the other day. It was eye opening, and more than a little surreal. I have to be very careful in what I say, and how I say it. The legal responsibility is a heavy burden to bear for my not always ‘PC’ thoughts. To be quite honest it made me pause and think about whether I really wanted to keep going or not. The internet isn’t known for calm and civil discussions. I don’t always follow the collective. My brain and I have a tumultuous relationship, it tests my carefully curated skills navigating social norms constantly.

Professionalism, what is it, and do I have it?

I would like to think I am capable of being professional, but my ability to handle stupidity is minimal. Being sensitive to people’s energy complicates things. In no way does it give me permission to behave in anything more than a professional manner, in most situations; but I find my threshold for bullshiting much lower in recent years. ( I very much dislike working with the general public as of late.) I am hot headed at times, and have made my fair share of asinine remarks. I often speak without thinking, and struggle with filters. Frankly I suck at filtering, but I have to refine myself in a palatable way. Fortunately for me, it is much easier to filter behind a computer screen, than it is in person.

Pushing forward

The goal here is to keep myself writing, and on the road to achieving my goal. It is a hard industry I am trying to break into, with little to no experience. The scope of what I have undertaken is massive, and process is slow. (Fortunately I have nothing but time thanks to the Great Plague of 2020.)

I have created a Pinterest account, though I managed to screw it up somehow, and now I can’t claim this website. (I will have to contact support probably at some point, as I am sure it will affect my traffic in some way.) I claimed the website already on a different account, which I locked myself out of and was unable to recover. Now I am waiting for said account to be deactivated, hoping it fixes the problem.

In the meantime, I had been diligently working on my ‘working’ Pinterest. I was doing quite well. Until  the world shut down. Suddenly I don’t have 6 hours ad day, 5 days a week to devote to branding. I have seen the effects in my traffic. To be fair, my son’s 16th birthday also took precedence over any spare time I had this week too. (Se la vie, the kid will only turn 16 once. It was worth it.)

While the rest of the state is under a shelter in place order, my county is still under a social distance advisory. Meaning we were able to have a small group over for DnD and chili dogs. (I disinfected my house over the course of the week leading up to the party.) There have been no reported cases of the virus here. (I firmly believe the virus has already blown through this county, as everyone was sick with ‘severe respiratory infections’ starting around November. I’m all for the shutdown precautions, but the timing is way off, it should have been done when China got sick. That’s just my opinion though.) I’m pretty sure my neighbor had it, and my oldest son ended up with it. But his symptoms don’t warrant testing apparently; not severe enough. If he did contract it, he has recovered already anyway. Other than a sinus infections, and the little on getting a bad cold, there was no really sever illness. But there have been a lot of stories like mine popping up all over. People talking about their nasty colds just after the holidays. Ones that took forever to shake…

Everyone keeps talking about the numbers; but if the cases aren’t being reported accurately, why are we trusting the numbers? I understand the virus is nasty, and new. So are many other viruses, they are known to evolve. They can also be engineered. I trust the scientists are working diligently to create a vaccine. In the meantime all this speculation is just instilling fear, and creating panic. I understand it makes me sound like I don’t care about people most at risk; but I do care. I care a lot. I expect people to take necessary precautions when or if they are around them. But people should always take those precautions, out of care and respect for their well being. Not just when there’s an outbreak. 

I think a lot of people get caught up in the ‘what if’s’ in serious situations. Which clouds judgments. But that is the Human Condition is it not? To get wrapped up in the what ifs, when facing catastrophe (because actions do have consequences.) 

Our choices, no matter how small, can set any series of incidents into motion. We all know it, and should take ownership of it. We should always be mindful of how our actions could affect another.

How do you do that, without mayhem ensuing? Weigh the facts, maybe? Or at least that is what I try to do. I have spent too many years of my life in fear, to allow myself to be locked up by it for more than an instant if I can help it. Though it is very easy to get swept up by it all, and obsessive over everything COVID-19 related, I just can’t bring myself to trust it; when I know thousands of cases have gone, and continued to go, unreported. While I worry this will make me sound crass, it is all I can think to say every time I go online.

I believe COIVD-19 has already had a profound effect on my family, but I will never know for sure, due to lack of testing among other things. It is true COVID-19 is a global concern, not because of the mortality rate of the virus, (Lack of early and consistent, testing will forever cast doubt on the statistics in my mind.) but because of the fear and panic it has instilled so rapidly, on a global scale thanks to Media, and the internet.

For now though, while the world stops and I wait;  I write, I think, and occasionally I drink. All while pondering the human condition. 

Until next time friends. Thanks for reading. Hope to see you back soon.